I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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