A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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