it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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