He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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