Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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