just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize