9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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