my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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