I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize