If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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