You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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