Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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