Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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