If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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