it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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