I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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