Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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