Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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