Can i not drive my cunt home
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize