Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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