Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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