those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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