I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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