You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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