Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize