So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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