ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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