Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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