call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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