Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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