Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize