maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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