I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
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We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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