why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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