Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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