Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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