This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize