after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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