I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize