Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize