Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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