Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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