I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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