I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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