are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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