I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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