I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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