I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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