Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize