I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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